EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Kobe of Arabia

3.5.10

Kobe of Arabia

As I rest for international play, rest assured I still keep Pau’s team in my purview. And seeing my friend’s Lakers mate dressed in these alabaster travesties, my orbs bugged!

Clearly, Bryant needed to consult the fashion expertise of a more cosmopolitan player.

So I penned a quick note: “My dearest Kobe,” it read, “please consider Pau's advice when creating ensembles.”

I soon received a reply from the muslin-clad one:

“Spaniard, let me correct either your grammar or your morals. You address me, ‘My dearest Kobe.’ Am I to believe you have OTHER dear Kobes? I thought not. And now I must excuse myself to adjust my burnoose.”

Touché! And please to enjoy your adventures in the sands of Arabia.

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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)