Me: ¡El Chacho! ¿Que pasa, mi amigo?
Sergio: I merely wished to check in with you. Long time, no alley oop!
Me: ¡Naturalamente! So this has nothing to do with your match last evening?
Sergio: I don’t know which match you mean—
Me: The one in which you had 24 points, five assists, and two steals in 24 minutes?
Sergio: Ah, THAT match. Yes, fortune indeed smiled upon me. But you forgot something.
Sergio: No turnovers! Further, at this juncture, only Chris Paul and Steve Nash outstrip me as the NBA's top point guards!
Me: ¡Felicidades! Ah, but wait… I smell something…
Sergio: Are you cooking pollo?
Me: No. But I detect the odor of a most unsavory gloating wafting up from south of Portland!
Sergio: Ha ha! But there is no need to be churlish, Machetero! Now let me tell you about a particular alley oop. At one point, I took a knee at the three-point line and threw a behind-the-back pass to the rim—
Me: Please! Speak no further of making spectacular passes at your mates, for I am consumed with envy! Last year, 103% of my alley oops emanated from your able Canary Islander fingertips. And this year, I am below the poverty line for alley oops-ing.
Sergio: Forgive my insensitivities! It must be difficult to be paired with mates who are not as sympatico to your needs as a fellow countryman. And so, onwards to happier topics! Let me tell you more about the charming pavilion in which our matches transpire. It is called Arco Arena and…[end transcript]
Sergio foto from Sactown Royalty.