Deadly Lines Approach

The last deadly lines to trade players are here. Secrets are not existing that Sergio could be swapped for another player. This makes me swallow hard. My mock outrage at Sergio’s vacationing on All Star weekend is now forgotten. I wish him Portland permanency! It is my luck to have a countryman and my best friend as a mate.

But will that luck survive?

For anxiety reducing, I launched online. My enjoyment is in the outdoors, so I went to a site named Field & Stream. At first, I was of the thinking that these were fellow enthusiasts who enjoyed a natural setting.

My surprise inflated on learning that the Field & Stream staff is bloodthirsty. This is most misleading. Would a site named Meadow & Brook approve slaughtering the wilderness? The site even has a “Gun Nut” department. “It must be a joke,” I consider. Then I read the Gun Nut. No joke! Their appetite for carnage is great.

But after reading the Gun Nut piece called “The Rules of Gunfighting,” I lightened my moods with its conversion to my Rules of Basketball.
The Rules of Basketball
1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. Ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness.

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)
Now I must discover new distractions. (The quits to trading can not arrive too punctually.)


  1. I like this list, may i print it out?

  2. Rule #12 is known as the golden rule of basket ball. The accompanying fan rule is: Thou shall also boo the team wearing purple.

    Rudy, it is time ot learn that the US is composed of many wacky gun nuts and religious conservatives. How those two groups mixed may never be understood. However, the movie Bowling for Columbine take s a stab at anwering our lust for guns and violence.

  3. just wanted to let you know, your dunk contest offerings were the best of all involved. you showed class and great skill. you represented our city well and i thank you.

  4. Rudy, morado es el color de la Universidad de Portland. Es un color muy importante por mucha gente aquí. Ésta es la primera vez en que yo no estoy de acuerdo con tigo. De todos modos, me pareces tú mejor en rojo y negro.

  5. I never remember who won the chalupa, I just love begging at the game and watchin you guys play!


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