EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: One of These Mates Is Not Like the Others

7.8.09

One of These Mates Is Not Like the Others

As the Spanish National Team practices, the time nears for us to pull up our socks and get the job done. But even so, there are moments of levitation. Here, the team is at a press conference. Pau and I engage in fun at the expense account of Ricky Rubio.

Pau: You appear tanned and well-rested, Rudy.

Me: It is true, I have spent much of the summer basking beneath El Sol. How else is one to go beyond the pale? Now let me pose you a riddle. One of the three mates on this stage is not like the others. Can you guess in what manner this is true?

Pau: Sí! Only one person on this stage has achieved an NBA championship!

Me: I grant you that, but think again.

Pau (considering): Ah, now I see. Only one of the mates on this stage is not under contract to play in the NBA this year. [We chortle.]

Ricky: It appears I will be passing the ball exclusively to Victor Claver in our next match. [Our chuckling ends abruptly with Ricky’s riposte.]

Our lesson is learned: Never annoy your Experto en Parquets BEFORE the playoffs commence!

Foto from Rudy Fans,
Ricky Rubio graphic from this location.

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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)