EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Alley Oops and Points on Your Face

6.1.09

Alley Oops and Points on Your Face

The magazine known as Dime has an article detailing the alley-oop experts of the NBA. The top pair listed is Kevin Garnett and Rajon Rondo. Yes, I will also claim they are talented. But for Garnett to alley oop is not much of a stretch... he is almost 7' tall!

Myself and Sergio Rodgriguez are the next listed pair in the article, and this pleases us. I am barely 6'5" and 185 pounds, but when we have that unspoken thing, I will put it down. You see what I mean?

In news of a less positive tone, my mate Brandon Roy is still out, and we had to play the Lakers recently for the second time this year. For the second time, they crushed us. This saddens me. We have two more chances at them in Portland. In an article earlier in the season, I was asked who I most wanted to play against in the NBA. My answer then is the same as now.

"Pau [Gasol]. I've never played against him, only on the same team. I want to put points on your face."

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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)