Why a Machine Can Never Be a Trail Blazer

In response to the most alarming word that my team may obtain —however briefly— Sasha “the Machine” Vujacic, I must protest! In addition to our existing battle for the mantle of European flair, you have heard of "arms escalations"? This trading would result in a similarity: comely-women-on-arms escalations. You see, Sasha has a relationship with Maria Sharapova, while I am entwined with the most radiant Cristina.

You can see the difficulties…on court, our facial stubblings would duel. Off-court, our romantic partners would engage in a blood feud of continental proportions!

In other news of violence, words of Juwan Howard’s motivational speech has leaked like the melted ice from the coolers which he kicked and threw around the team locker-room. As such, I will take the liberties of sharing his words with you here. Following is an audio recording; commence listening at 1:00 for the grand finale!

Adición: My apologies, the audio is transposed with that of New Brunswick legislator Abel LeBlanc, who gave a rival politician a most pernicious finger, then challenged the entire Parliament to fisticuffs. But Juwan's message was essentially the same! (Further, my message to the Machine coincides with LeBlanc's final three words. ¡PUM!)