EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: The Battle of Britain

9.9.09

The Battle of Britain

The fourth quarter had been entered. Casting my orbs on the scoreboard, I could see that we, the reigning world champions, were down by four points against “GB”.

Great Britain?!

Our British opponents, had scrapped, scraped, and were prepared to toss us into the Eurobasket dustbin. Not to engage in hyperbole, but this would be the most colossal upsetting in international basketball history!

Desperation clouded out the latent gimpiness emanating from my isquiosural. (This injury precluded me from taking part in our shocking loss to Serbia the previous day.) And on our next defensive possession, I hit the accelerator in the passing lanes. I obtained a steal! Racing the court, I elevated— ¡Pum! ¡Esmaixada!

This dunking may have revived our wayward limbs, as we went on to a hardscrabble 84-76 victory. We survive another day. But will this battle with Britain inject life the torpor of our team play?

Rudy foto by Paco Martin.

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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)