Sergio (quietly): Hola, Rudy.
Me: Where are you calling from, mi amigo? Are you in the Canary Islands?
Sergio: No. I am right now looking out at a blighted, nightmarish landscape.
Me: You’re in Los Angeles?
Sergio (with a weak chortle): If only that were so. For a hinting, let me tell you that I left my bag in the rental vehicle for un momento, and it was gone almost immediately.
Me (with forced joviality): You were robbed? Ah, you need a good Spanish meal to lift your spirits my friend!
Sergio: If only it could be so. But other than endless mall strippings, I have nowhere to turn. Even now, I am in a repulsively genérico establishment named “Red Robin”!
Me: You will have to tell me what a robin tastes like! Well, perhaps you can take in the sights at your mystery location?
Sergio: I have done so. With informed local guides. It took a single afternoon to view them all.
Me: Well, you simply need to move on to new pastures of greenery my friend.
Sergio (abrupt harsh laugh) I am going nowhere.
Me (as the truth begins to dawn): Wait, you’re in an economically depressed area with high crime, low culture, and an enervating landscape… Surely you’re not already in—
Sergio: Sacramento. Check, please!
Foto from Blazers Edge.