EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Sniffing Turkoglu and Turning Up One's Nose

5.7.09

Sniffing Turkoglu and Turning Up One's Nose

I have made it a point to note with astuteness the qualities remarked upon by American observers of basketballing.

Thus, I have come to learn of the legendary glue players.
As epitomized by those like Shane Battier, these glue players do the hustle. And though they appear hygienic, the true glue players are covered with an admirable grittiness.

Further, their noble leadership and strength serve as the pivots on which their weaker mates swivel!

This is in direct contrast to the Turkoglu players. Players of this ilk are merely known for their ability to leave a turbulent wake of flim-flammery and pizza boxes behind them!

Along these linings, a hearty ¡Felicidades! to the fine personage who initiated the above graphic of amusement. (I especially enjoy my brandishing weapon; El Machetero would settle for nothing less!)

Shane Battier from Deuce of Davenport.

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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)