EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Non-Dairy Dairy Products

27.7.09

Non-Dairy Dairy Products

I recently confessed my admission of my lackluster physical condition. (And yes, I am still seeking my lost lung.) So I have taken an interest in the training of my Blazer mates.

You can see that Brandon Roy endorses the use of a product known as Muscle Milk. I have obtained a bottle of this substance, and I am somewhat perplexed by it.

At first I thought it might be composed of an enzyme harvested from actual muscles. Yet as biceps come mercifully unequipped with nipples, this makes no sense. But as Muscle Milk contains no milk of ANY kind, perhaps anything is possible with this non-dairy dairy product!

As for LaMarcus Aldridge, he has warmed the cockles of my heart with his off-seasoning embrace of the world’s greatest sport: fútbol! Surely he will report to our campings with a renewed cardiovascular structure. (But I will have to speak to him about that Chelsea jersey...)

Adición: El Chacho recently sent me this book, Getting It Through My Thick Skull: Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know.

It looks like a most impressive treatise; surely this Mary Jo Buttafuoco is justly renowned to my American readers?

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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)