No Blood in the Water, No Foul

A number of thoughts vertically leap into my mind upon seeing this poster of Shaquille O’Neal. My hope is that the match is “no blood, no foul,” as any plasma in the ocean's water could prove disastrous for the newest addition to the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Yet in probability, the only great white that O'Neal will be dunking on in the nearest future is Zydrunas Ilgauskas during practice! As an aside, this puts me in mind of a tale that Spanish actor and noted atheist Javier Bardem told me:

An atheist sails a small boat off the coast of Majorca. He dives into the azure water and swims some distance from the craft when he sees the dorsal fin of a great white shark approaching him.

The atheist’s heart is beating like the Rose Garden in overtime as the homicidal guppy bears down on him. Glancing back, he sees the fearsome jaws of the grande squalo bianco opening, and despite himself, the atheist cries out, “Oh God! Save me!”

With a suddenness, time stops, the water stops moving, and a deep voice from the heavens calls down: “Why call upon that which you do not believe in?”

Astounded, the atheist blurts, “I have not believed in you, it is true. And to be truthful to myself, I cannot ask you to save me now. Perhaps I can presume upon you for a smaller request. Can you make the shark believe in you?”

The disembodied voice replies, “Very well.” And suddenly the water starts to move again. Looking back, the atheist sees the shark stop and pull away from him.

With relief, the atheist begins paddling toward his boat once more, when he hears a new voice behind him. Turning, the atheist is stunned to hear the shark saying, “Gracias a Señor para estos tus regalos, que estamos a punto de recibir de tu prima, por Cristo nuestro Señor, amén.”*

*This is a common grace said before meals in Spain. (One wonders if this tale has a metaphorical quality of the damages that the Cavaliers may inflict on their opponents this seasoning?)

Rudy foto from ACB.