Looking Forward to No Picnics

While many orbs look for me to expand my offensive role-playing this season, I am also of the hope to amplify my defensive attributes. Taking note of my interest, Joel Pryzbilla discreetly pressed a volume into my hand last week.

“This book taught me the secrets to drawing charges,” Joel said, looking around in a suspicious manner. Then he laughed and added, “Its breathing techniques helped save me from asphyxiation when Shaq smothered me last year.”

I made leafings through the book. “Chapters four and five are really good,
” Joel remarked. And it’s out of print, so don’t lose it.”

Directed in this manner, my eyes were drawn to the table of contents:
I have now studied the points offered in Joel's book, Looking Forward to Being Attacked, and we shall soon see if they impact my gaming. I suspect they will; even Nic Batum will bow his head in acknowledgment of my prowess!

One point of difficulty for me is that due to my exaggerated slimness, I am not the finest screen setter. Thus, defenders seem to slip right past (and even through!) me.

But Joel has now taught me to enlarge my frame by presenting the opponent with an elbow to the solar plexus or glabella as he passes.

While this sort of tactic might once have rubbed against my fine Mallorcan grain, it is part of my makeover. With my new defensiveness, the Trail Blazers’ opposition will know to bring packed lunches to our matches. For these events will not be occasions for picnicking
Fotos from the Oregonian,
Book cover from Awful Library Books.

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