Of Erogenous Zones and Intestinal Webbing

There are moments in life when one sees with a dizzying clarity the catastrophe lurking behind innocent decisions. In my case, this occurred during my spasms recuperation.

While my mates prepare for the season opener a few days hence, I have time on my hands. (Soap and agua does little to remove it.) Whiling the time away, I arrived at Finland’s Official Wife Carrying World Championship site. This odd event was already known to me, but I saw a further linking to “How to Become a Master in Wife Carrying.”

What spinal pressures this sport must exact! Intrigued, I further explored the site. It was a small act, yet it proved to be a fatal fork in the road, for in the sections therein, I found:

Erogenous zones notwithstanding, lifting and carrying others is rife with peril. In fact, the mayor of Sacramento, Kevin Johnson, gave himself a hernia trying to lift his globular mate, Oliver Miller, in a celebratory moment.

Initially, I found myself unable to rid my mind of the pernicious image of Oliver Miller straining KJ’s intestinal webbing. But recently, two ESPN scribes picked me as their favored candidate for the Sixth Man of the Year and Most Improved Player awards, respectively.

Miller's image is now gone, for an anxiety has displaced it. Bad back or no, I am a Master of Expectations Carrying!

Rudy foto from the Oregonian.