EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Questionable Questionings of Manhood

30.10.09

Questionable Questionings of Manhood

Within my knowings, every male professional basketball player is un hombre de verdad: A real man. That is, if testosterone were alcohol, we’d all be over the legal limit. Even “nice fellows” like the Trail Blazers are, to a hombre, proud, competitive, and dripping in masculinity.

And of this group, Joel Pryzbilla is our king. Which is why I had to disbelieve my ears during last night's unfortunate loss to the Nuggets. As I stood near the sidelines and overheard this reedy announcer chirp about how Pryzbilla needed to “take a charge like a man.” ¿En serio? No one is MORE skilled at taking a charge (and the other manly arts) than Joel!

But perhaps this Reggie Miller has a very different definition of what a true male is. (This restraining order he obtained to avoid fisticuffs with a silver-spooning surfer suggests as much!)

Pryzbilla foto from the Oregonian

2 comments:

timboNovember 2, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Welcome back, oh famous nearly-Rudy! I look forward to your futuristic commentary astuteness with great need.
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Linda WillardNovember 3, 2009 at 7:19 AM
Looking forward to you having a great season this year. I love watching you make those incredible passes and when you make a three you get so hyped up.

Keep up the great work.
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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)