EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: The Revulsion of Bestubbled Satisfaction

15.6.09

The Revulsion of Bestubbled Satisfaction

I am most happy for Pau winning an NBA championship! It is a great day for Spanish basketball and España in generality.

But it is underneath a sub rosa understatement for me to say that I am somewhat conflicted about this accomplishment. For along with my satchel of genuine joy for Pau, there is other luggage to be unpacked.

First, my sentiments regarding Los Angeles have altered since my hermana, Marta, was released by the L.A. Sparks. This, combined with the most shameful rioting that broke out following the Lakers winning the championship, has led me to this conclusion about the City of Angels:

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy!*

For there is a most compelling reason why sourness has seeped into every Iberian pore upon my coiled-steel frame.

Seeing this image of the malignant presence of Sasha Vujacic near the championship trophy has brought my red blood cells to a simmer. His obscene cradling of the prize while gazing upon it with bestubbled satisfaction... It is entirely too much to bear!

So forgive me, Pau, but your mate must never be allowed to win this trophy again.

*Never before have I had occasion to quote Obi-Wan Kenobi. ¡PUM!

Pau foto from Ball Don't Lie,
Marta from RudyFans,
Sasha Vujacic from Basketbawful.

1 comment:

AnonymousJune 16, 2009 at 10:12 AM
Agreed! Beat LA!!
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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)