EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Sergio and the Monks

8.2.09

Sergio and the Monks

Making mockery of Sergio's hair is an enjoyable activity. This is not cruel! He is my best friend. But some people never seem to have a good haircut. And Sergio is one of these.

But the NBA has worse examples of the hair. Joel Pryzbilla calls Drew Gooden of the Bulls "Recede Wallace." I do not know what he calls the beard. (Greg Oden says that Gooden "has the face of a satirical rogue.")

This Gooden came by his hairlessness naturally, unlike the five Monks. You know the Monks? They donned black monk robes and formed a band in the 1960s. They were so popular in Germany and Spain, I heard them on the radio in Majorca.

Here, these Monks display "tonsures." That is the word for a haircut where only the top is shaved. This is a haircut I now enthusiastically encourage Sergio to try.

If you are not familiar with the Monks, it is fixable. Each Trail Blazer gets to select music for home games. My turn awaits. Soon, when my mates take the floor at the Rose Garden, the Monks will blare. It will be their song, “Monk Time." It is from their album, Black Monk Time. First, there is the sound of feedback and a banjo. Then. the words:

All right, my name's Gary. Let's go, it's beat time, it's hop time, it's Monk time now!

It is my hope that the Monks will inspire our victory. It is also my hope that Sergio will have a tonsure for this celebration.

1 comment:

AdamFebruary 9, 2009 at 10:22 AM
Que bestia Rudy! Esperamos profundamente que Sergio lleva un "tonsure." Tambien creo que este estilo le queda muy simpatico al Senior Ike "Puffy" Diogu. Tal vez Sergio y Puffy pueden irse al cortapiel juntos!

Dinos mas sobre este Diogu y tambien sobre el hoodlum Shavlik.
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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)