EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: No More Matador Ideas, Por Favor

11.2.09

No More Matador Ideas, Por Favor

There has been a multitude of dunk suggestions, and while I am in appreciation, please: No more matador outfits.

Another notion that has furrowed my Iberian brow is in the Willamette Week. It contains three illustrated vignettes by Casey Jarman and Jonathan Hill. This particular one is an exercise in perplexity:

Five gorgeous female fans are lined along Rudy’s path to the hoop.

He makes out with the first girl as his body splits in two.

Ghost-Rudy perfects a 540-degree no-look dunk while the physical Rudy continues smooching.

The universe implodes.

First, Cristina Fernandez (my girlfriend) frowns on this for reasons of obviousness. Her disapproval of Ghost-Rudy is well known.

Second, why are five girls congregated when my contact is with only one? This is not the sustainable practice Portland is known for.

Finally, Sergio points out that the implosion of all matter should be delayed until after determinations of the dunking contest winner.

Other than that, I like it. (But Ghost-Rudy I can not speak for.)

1 comment:

AnonymousFebruary 12, 2009 at 8:53 AM
ay...el cliché...es más dificil luchar contra el hambre en el mundo que contra el concepto de español-torero. :)
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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)