EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Playing Nip and Tuck with a Crested Newt

22.4.09

Playing Nip and Tuck with a Crested Newt

Defenders of Brandon Roy, from the Thunder’s Jeff Green (left) to Ron Artest and Shane Battier, learn to shrink from his legerdemain!

And so it was in our push-me/pull-you playoff match with Houston. There was nipping. And further, there was tucking! The Rockets took the lead, but the super-adequate play of Brandon (42 puntos) enabled a a nip-tuck reversal. This finally enabled us to tuck the Rockets in for the night!

Brandon relentlessly drove his undersized vehicle at Yao Ming, who is the basketball equivalent of an 18-wheeler. (As for me, I pushed in the clutch for two free-throws in the match’s waning moments.)

Regarding our opponents: Von Wafer may have the appearance of a crested newt, but he plays with a combination of tangy ferocity and light airiness.

It’s almost as if Von Wafer has something to prove. As a former Trail Blazer, perhaps he has a cracker (or other chip) on his shoulder?

Brandon Roy foto by the Oregonian,
Von Wafer from Intentional Foul.

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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)