EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Plasma-Soaked Gauze Imprisoned in Time

16.4.09

Plasma-Soaked Gauze Imprisoned in Time

Felicitaciones y muchas gracias a Brucy Ely and Thomas Boyd of the Oregonian. Their incredible fotos from last evening's game imprison many seminal moments.

For an instance, here we see Chris Andersen realizing his team has no more life than the plasma-soaked gauze in his nostril. He can also see I have recovered from when he embossed my face with the word “Spalding”! (See “When Weak Sauce Meets Ink and Lank.”)

And perhaps he knows it is time to obtain butcher paper from Jose Calderon’s pig ranch to enshroud his teammates with. For they were mere dribbling carcasses at this point. (Please pardon my ungentlemanly attitudes. Yet in the case of Carmelo Anthony and the Nuggets, all jibes are most richly deserved!)

Adición: El periodista Jason Quick observed me eating brownies and dancing. Then he wrote of it.

2 comments:

AnonymousApril 17, 2009 at 10:38 AM
Okay, so who is actually responsible for the writing on this blog?

All told, good stuff, but I wasn't aware that your english was this solid, Rudy!
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AnonymousApril 17, 2009 at 11:15 AM
Consult Rudy's "Meritorious Volumes" for hints as to the blog's authorship!
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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)