EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Words from the Bench

20.4.09

Words from the Bench

Me (with remorse): We have been overblown.

Greg Oden: The correct usage is “We’ve been blown out,” my friend. And if our play does not improve in subsequent games, we will drown this basketball court with our followers’ tears, make mad the guilty and appall the free, confound the ignorant and amaze the very faculties of our Portland Trail Blazer fans’ eyes and ears.

Me: And they’ll be disappointed too!

Foto from Mike Barrett’s blog.

2 comments:

JoeApril 20, 2009 at 7:24 PM
Hahaha. this is one of my favorite websites. i always get a good laugh out of your posts. thank you, whoever you are.
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AnonymousApril 21, 2009 at 3:27 PM
On behalf of Hypothetical Rudy, you are most welcome!
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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)