EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Humoring a Seven-Foot Jester

17.3.09

Humoring a Seven-Foot Jester

While my shooting sorrows continue (1 for 11 since returning from injuries), it is good to be playing again. After last night’s victorious match in Memphis, we proceeded to Indiana. On the plane, Greg Oden spied a photo of point guard Marko Jaric (above left) on Sergio’s laptopping. It seems Jaric’s skills have faded even as his notoriety waxes for having wed the comely model Adriana Lima.

Greg stood and intoned, “Alas, poor Jaric! I knew him, Sergio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath brought the ball up court a thousand times, but now how abhorr'd in my imagination he is. The turnovers! My gorge rises at it.”

Greg then took his seat. Sergio rolled his eyes and winked at me (which is hard to do simultaneously), and he began playing Spanish hip-hop, much to the delight of our mates.

Oden photo derived from the Oregonian, Marko from the Advocate.

6 comments:

AnonymousMarch 17, 2009 at 1:57 PM
rudy....is this your real blog? who is bart king?
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AnonymousMarch 17, 2009 at 1:58 PM
is this blog really by rudy???
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AnonymousMarch 17, 2009 at 2:26 PM
As I understand it, this blog began life as a supplement to Rudy Fernandez's real blog entries. The link to these is the first one listed under "Auspicious Links" in the right-hand column on this site.

But this “El Ilusorio Blog de Rudy” (mind you, it's illusory) seems to be expressing the thoughts of the public persona known as Rudy Fernandez AS IF he were actually writing them.

Which he isn’t.

Hence the “hypothetical & unofficious” part of this blog's heading. (As to Bart King, there is also a link to his site under "Links." He is apparently a writer. This is suspicious!)
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AnonymousMarch 17, 2009 at 2:27 PM
Aha— So it's all in good fun! I sorta figured.
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AnonymousMarch 18, 2009 at 1:21 PM
i love how greg oden periodically pipes in on this blog with such shakespearean tones.
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AnonymousMarch 18, 2009 at 1:31 PM
NOW TELL US SOMETHING ONLY RUDY WOULD KNOW
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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)