Stone-Faced Killah Demotion

The News of the Bad: Months ago, in the preseasoning, I scored a 3 that was a clincher. As I came off the court, my mate Martell Webster enthused, “You are a stone-faced killah!”

Pleased and confused, I agreed.

But as of our most recent match, my percentage on the 3-point shooting plummeted to 38%. From Martell’s expression now, I can see that my stone-faced killah status has been adjusted. At best, I am now a person possessing unacted-upon homicidal impulses who can temporarily keep his face expressionless.

The News of the Surprisingly Good: I play the best defense of any Blazer! Perhaps I inflate the reality, but according to this site, when I take the court, our opponent's field goal percentage drops to 48%. When I go to the bench, it climbs up to 52%. This is best on the team!

Joel Pryzbilla is not pleased to rank behind me. He takes a justifiable pride in his defense. Watch how he stares in fascination at the ball! Even so, he could learn much from Sergio and me.

This relates to yesterday’s match against the San Antonio Spurs. Coming off the court for a break, Joel and I had an unseemly quarreling.

“There’s no way you dropped the Spurs' effective shooting percentage 4% on that series of possessions!” Joel shouted.

“Your jealously is most unbecoming!” I gave in retort, waving my arms. Of course, I said this in Spanish. (¡Sus celos es muy impropia!”) It does not pay to increase the rancor of a teammate who is seven feet tall and nicknamed the Eraser!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the link. I'm pretty sure this is the funniest Blazers blog out there. Do you do guest posts?


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