EL BLOG ILUSORIO DE RUDY: Jeff Foster Has an Adamantine Exoskeleton

19.3.09

Jeff Foster Has an Adamantine Exoskeleton

While dribbling in Indiana, my mate LaMarcus Aldridge struck his head against Jeff Foster’s chest. The impact did not seem substantial, thus I was surprised to see LaMarcus fall like a bull receiving its deathblow in the ring! My wonderment was inflated in the lockerroom when I learned LaMarcus had a concussion, and is doubtful for this evening's match against Cleveland.

Seeing my befuddlement, a grim Steve Blake gave me the intelligence: Jeff Foster has the steeliest thorax in the NBA. Travis Outlaw nodded in agreement, showing his upper gums covered in blood from a separate blow delivered by Foster. And Channing Frye chimed in, “Drive on that Pacer at your peril, Spaniard.” I will take to heart these words to the wise!

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"El Blog Ilusorio": In the Orbs of Others!

Rudy's Hypothetical Rules of Basketball

1. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of score, assists, or rebounds. They will only remember who won them a chalupa.

2. Any shot worth shooting is worth shooting twice.

3. When not shooting on offense, you should be communicating, passing, and running. Also, yell “Foul!” repeatedly. Why? How can officials summon help if you yell “Good D!” or “Our opponents are superior!”?

4. If legitimately called for a foul, say, “A good call!” (Do this no more than once a game.)

5. When in possession of the ball, have a plan. Further, have a back-up plan, because the first plan won't work (unless you are Brandon Roy).

6. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. (Both Oden and Pryzbilla provide these in abundance.)

7. On defense, ignore words and direct your eyesight to the ball. (Opposing Cleveland, LeBron James told me he would pull up for a jumper. I advanced upon him. Then James drove baseline with great speed. Both of my ankles gave way!)

8. The faster you begin an opponent’s blow-out, the more shots everyone will get.

9. Be polite and professional to everyone you play against. Then destroy them, for they wish to defeat you.

10. Practice shooting in a dimly-lit practice area with someone shouting unflattering threats at you. (I found this useful in Europe, where partial power outages were not uncommon.)

11. You may feel sad about snapping another team’s back with a clinch alley-oop or a clutching 3-pointer. But sadness is preferred to losing. And the winning will then bring happiness. (In the case of defeating the Lakers, the happiness will be most pronounced.)

12. Purple is not my color. (It may not be anyone’s color.)